For Eliza & The Delusionals, their musical ambitions are anything but. Their new single, “Just Exist,” attempts to find the balance between depression and creativity – and acknowledges that one might not exist without the other. “Just Exist” recently had the honor of being featured as the Weekly One by Amazon Music. The song has deeply resonated with fans and has made quite the impression on tour. Eliza & The Delusionals hope that 2020 has a lot of U.S. tour dates in store! Listen to “Just Exist” HERE.
Cliché: Where did your band name come from? There was a long list of “Eliza and the somethings”… it was actually the first one I had thought of, one of my favourite lines from a Blink 182 song has the word delusions in there and I always thought that it was a cool word. Talk about your new song, “Just Exist.” Just Exist was written about the balance of feeling low and depressed but also using those feelings to be creative. It’s a vicious balance, but without those feelings I think I would plainly just exist. Were you surprised when “Just Exist” was featured as the Weekly One by Amazon Music? Yes! We were. It was a really cool thing to happen to us.
How can we all take little steps to celebrate ourselves instead of allowing other people to dictate our emotions or affect how we see ourselves? I think sometimes you have to put yourself and your emotions first. I think it’s important to be kind, but without letting people take advantage of your kindness and walk over you. Which song have you written that has been most meaningful to you and why? I think I can speak for the whole band when I say “Just Exist.” As soon as we started playing it, we all felt something, and people after shows would always say that song was a stand out to them or they really connected with it. Seeing so many people connect with it overseas as well has really made our feelings and love for the song even stronger. Where do you want the band’s trajectory to be headed in 2020? We’d like to spend a lot of time in the USA touring and playing festivals!
Read more Music Interviews at ClicheMag.com Eliza & The Delusionals Channel Depression into Creativity with New Single, “Just Exist.” Photo Credit: Matt Walter.
Just a few short years ago, Beware of Darkness frontman Kyle Nicolaides’ life was in shambles. Deep in the throes of depression and overwhelmed by a constant internal onslaught of negativity and suicidal thoughts, Kyle made the decision to jettison his band in favor of finally addressing the mental health crisis that had plagued him for so long. It was then that the arduous self-described “unsexy path” to recovery began. This path to healing included antidepressants, sobriety, diet, yoga, and an army of other coping strategies. Emerging on the other side of the storm, he wrote his name song, “Bloodlines,” his first track created free of anxiety and depression and the one that reawakened his ardent love of the recording process. Listen to “Bloodlines” HERE.
Cliché: What was the first song you ever wrote? Kyle Nicolaides: I was around 12, wandering through Jensen Guitar in Santa Barbara, admiring the used guitars and beaten up amps, and I remember so clearly the exact moment it happened. I was reaching up to grab a guitar that hung on the wall, and out of the sky this melody just came down. I was both so excited and freaked out because I had no idea what was happening, but I knew this song just appeared. The melodies, and A and B parts came at once, so I sang it repeatedly until I got home so I wouldn’t forget it, and then recorded it that night. It was called “Baby.”
The first piece of music I wrote was a couple years earlier. I had the greatest piano teacher, Dick Dunlap, who once every couple months would let me come in and record a piece of music in his small home recording studio. It was the first time I’d ever recorded music, and dabbled in production and blew my mind wide open. I instantly fell in love.
I thought being able to record music was an absolute miracle, and I loved scrolling through his different keyboard sounds to multi-track parts to the pieces I had. It was sacred to me and I thought it was the coolest thing in the world I could leave with a CD of what I made, I’d obsessively listen to it on my Walkman all the time, and was so proud.
I started learning, rearranging, and re-recording music from the Legend of Zelda Ocarina of Time Soundtrack, like the Temple Of Time, and then I began writing and arranging instrumental piano music specifically for those days with Dick. His piano recitals were the first times I’d play the songs I wrote in public.
Recording and songwriting always went hand in hand for me. I loved recording so much I started writing specifically to record. Shortly after I got a GNX4 and then Cubase when I was a teen and started recording and writing every single day after school.
What’s behind your band name, Beware of Darkness?
It comes from a George Harrison song off his album All Things Must Pass.
I was around 19 thinking about starting a band and looking for a name, which is somehow both the most meaningless yet important decision you’ll ever make. I was wandering through Amobea Records in Hollywood and was getting heavily into the post-Beatle solo careers of each member. I bought a copy of All Things Must Pass, flipped it over and saw the song title “Beware of Darkness” & thought, there it is. I checked to see that no one else was using it, and then it was off to the races. That record changed everything for me.
How does it feel to come back from a three year hiatus? Why did you originally decide to take the hiatus? It’s been a whirlwind of emotions: overwhelming joy, bliss, & gratitude I never would have expected or imagined, yet also anger, pain, shame, and a lot of old triggers re-emerging that I am grateful I get to take another look at. It’s been hard and uncomfortable and painful at some points but I’m thankful for it, because it means I’m alive, and I’m growing and changing. I’ve learned so much about myself in the past few weeks re-launching Beware of Darkness, so in that sense I’m wildly grateful.
Why did I decide to take a hiatus? I was in so much mental anguish I wasn’t even thinking about a “hiatus,” I was in pain, unhappy, and knew I needed to drastically change my life, and in my heart, I knew I just needed to stop. There was no thoughtful “hiatus” decision making or dialogue with anyone.
When the band got off the road, and the stress of keeping a band together along with drugs, narcissism, insert more band drama here, compounded with my own depression, anxiety, and panic attacks, I was spent. So I just set out to do a spiritual house cleaning and wound up essentially abandoning and undoing anything in my life that wasn’t serving me, and at the time it was the band. I looked at Beware of Darkness and thought I’m putting my entire life into this, getting absolutely nothing out of it, and not being treated well at all, why am I holding on to this? So I let go, and at the time it was one of the most important thing I ever did because it was the precursor that led me take steps in learning who I really was, how to take care of myself, and how to begin to heal all the mental health problems I’d been dealing with.
Talk about your new song, “Bloodlines.” It’s 3 minutes and 44 seconds long and it’s a jam. It’s in the key of D, and the tempo is 94bpm
You chose very personal cover art for the song – an old Polaroid set of you and your mom when you were little. How does this capture the essence of the song? It’s the ideal image of what the song represents: family, sticking together being on someone’s team for life. I adore my Mom more than anyone on this planet.
You’ve described “Bloodlines” as a “celebration of life.” Elaborate on why it’s such a big milestone for you.
It was my first session out of depression. It taught me that recording music could be fun, simple, and joyous again. It was a revelation.
It’s pretty self-explanatory, but as an artist, how does it feel being able to create music free of the burdens of anxiety and depression? I don’t think it’s self-explanatory at all. It’s a life and death difference. When you’re depressed, you’re not in the playing field of humanity. You spend most or all of your time thinking and counting reasons to stay alive, and doing anything you can to reduce the pain you’re in. Your only dreams are of the afterlife, and your only desires are for this life and all of its pain to end immediately. That being said, it’s incredibly hard to focus on writing a bridge, or pick out the correct chords for a song when you are fighting with a brain that wants you dead, right now. When you don’t think you deserve to be alive, you don’t think you deserve to belong to, be involved in, or find joy in anything remotely human.
So create music without that is, well, simply a gift. Just to be able to work, to lose myself in sounds or writing is a delight, and to be able to get involved in and care about human things again is a dream.
Lastly some of the side effects of depression are brain fog and not being able to think clearly. Just to be able to focus, concentration is wonderful. My brain didn’t work for 10 years, and I’m amazed I was able to do what I did.
How have you changed as a creator throughout your mental illness journey? Well, short story is I’m able to create now, and it comes from a place of compassion and equanimity. During depression, if I made a mistake, I’d compound it with shame, anger, fear, and then crucify myself, and all roads led back to, “You don’t deserve to be alive.”
Before I got help, most days I couldn’t sit and focus for more than anything for more than 10 minutes at a time, because an avalanche of negative thoughts would explode. “Why are you even writing? This idea sucks. Are you still trying to do music? No one cares, quit. You’ve never written anything good, and the poor decisions you’ve made have fucked up your life beyond repair.” That was the jungle I’d have to cut across every single day. Now I’m able to create without that, and it’s such a blessing. Again, to be involved in and care about human things again, is such a gift.
Last week, I wrote 16,000 words to answer email interviews without having an emotional meltdown, and I was able to celebrate that. I never would have been able to do that before.
We shot a “Bloodlines” guitar tutorial a couple weeks back, and I realized I went the entire day, shooting 5 videos in one day, without berating myself with any negative self-talk, even though I did make mistakes. To me, that’s a victory and a gift that I don’t take for granted.
There’s room for self-compassion now and I am so thankful for it, and I am a better creator.
How did you overcome anxiety and depression? It was a long, slow, uncomfortable, and unsexy path. I think there are a lot of things that help, and they all work to supplement each other. There’s no one-way, and whatever works for you is good. Trust your gut and your body, because all these things affect people differently. We all have different bodies and different minds, so you know what’s best for you. Here’s my list:
Sobriety – Last year I was drinking and it exponentially made my depression worse. I thought tequila would bring up my moods until I was in the Bobcat Room in Santa Barbara too drunk to walk and wildly suicidal. It broke me, and when I got sober, I realized I’m eating healthy, meditating, doing yoga, exercising, and I’m still 2 steps from jumping off the planet at all times – something is wrong. It helped me zone in and identify the magnitude of the depression I was up against, and doing everything to avoid feeling. Drinking and getting high don’t solve your problems and are just temporary solutions that feel good in the short term but wind up hurting you more in the long run. I know it’s scary to feel what you feel and sit with yourself, but in the long run it’s more horrifying to avoid that.
Anti-Depressants helped a lot. They don’t solve all your life’s problems but they helped me get to a place where I could look at my problems without out falling apart. They were vital to me. I was on them for 6-7 months and I saw their role in my life as a sort of anesthetic so I could go into myself and do surgery. Note, they aren’t magic pills, if you take them and don’t do the work, they’re useless.
Therapy was one of the most important things I’ve ever done. To be able to talk about how you genuinely feel and have someone to be a mirror and help you work on things was invaluable. It’s helped me so much.
Ayahuasca got to the root of my depression and helped me reconnect with the divine. It was the most life changing thing I’ve ever done and helped me look at my depression in a way I never have before, with love and self-compassion, and helped me realize why I was depressed in the first place. This was magic. Plant therapy and psychedelics are on the up again, and I truly believe they have the ability to help people heal. They are medicine.
Meditation and Yoga are invaluable and help you learn how to be present, sit with your thoughts and see them as simply as that! As thoughts! You learn how to be with yourself, your mind, and your thoughts, without labeling or judging them. This is true freedom, to watch without judgment, because most of anxiety and depression are your mind labeling and judging every single thing in your life as doomed.
Diet – I cannot stress how important diet is to fighting depression. Lots of research coming out about gut health and depression I’m not versed enough in to speak on, but what you put into your body has a direct effect on mood. Certain foods I eat effect my moods so heavily, I eat the wrong thing and it’s like a slip and slide to depression. Be mindful about what you eat. Cut out soda, limit sugar, fast food, GMO and processed meat, limit or cut caffeine. (I didn’t realize coffee was a path to my anxiety until I cut it out). It’s heartbreaking people aren’t taught about healthy nutrition in America. We just have corporations spending billions of dollars on ads to sell us food that is made by scientists to be maxed out on flavor and taste, and are some of the most addicting and unnatural things we can put in our body. So eat as natural as you can. Fruits and veggies, limit meat. Will a carrot send you to the moon like a big mac can? No. but it will sustain you longer and give you a better quality of life.
What message of hope can you provide to someone struggling with mental illness? I can only speak to anxiety and depression. Here’s the thing. It’s hard to hear any advice or believe anything remotely positive about yourself or your future when you’re depressed because your mind will go to any length to convince you why you are undeserving of it, or do anything to discredit it or believe it. You can tell someone they have a purpose on earth, but depression will say, nope. That’s preposterous.
These clichés, which are all true by the way: “You’re not alone.” “It does get better.” “One day at a time.” You say it to someone who is depressed, and they will probably tell you to fuck off. It’s tricky.
I think self compassion and learning how to love yourself is key. When I was still struggling, I sort of I rationalized this phrase in head as a half joke half truth, “If God wanted me dead, she would have killed me by now, maybe there’s a bigger reason I should hang around?” Stick around. We only have 60-80 years max right now, so let life surprise you. No need to bow out early. Sure it might get bad, but can it get any worse than right now? This very moment? Probably not, and probably in this very moment, you’re in no danger, a bear is not attacking you, so what if you decide to curiously hang around and let life potentially blow you away with what it has in store for you? Yeah it might be hard, it might be uncomfortable but what if life has a grand plan for you, and gives you a future so beautiful and bright you can’t even imagine it right now. So just hold on. You’re gonna spoil that by walking out of the movie before you see the ending?
I know depression feels futureless but I’m just asking you to consider this. I know that none of this probably makes sense to you while being depressed, but you have nothing at all to lose by trying it. One day when you come out of depression, you’ll be amazed you survived and look back and laughed, if you can overcome yourself, you can overcome anything.
Read more Music Interviews at ClicheMag.com Beware of Darkness Celebrates Overcoming Depression in New Song “Bloodlines.” Photo Credit: Nick Smalls.
Mental illness is a deeply personal subject for Samuel Jack. The London-based singer struggles with anxiety and depression. His new single, “In My Head,” describes his fight to overcome the anxiety and depression that have mercilessly kept him down for so long. Though he was once a shamed of his mental illness, now he’s eager to talk about it and encourage others who are suffering with poor mental health that they’re not as alone as they might think. Rather than confining mental health talk to the shadows, Samuel emphasizes the importance of discussing these issues to begin to chip away at the social stigma surrounding mental illness.
Cliché: In what ways does your childhood continue to influence your music?
Samuel Jack: My childhood continues to influence my music for sure, nearly everything I write is inspired from the music I fell in love with as a kid; old soul, blues, pop and hip hop to name a few – and also more directly, sometimes I actually write about experiences or emotions I had whilst growing up.
Talk about your new track, “In My Head.”
“In My Head” was a tough one to write in some respects, it’s a deeply personal song to me , about my struggles with mental health – and fundamentally, the fight to overcome them.
What have your experiences with mental illness been like?
When I was at my worst, my experiences with mental health have been huge, depression and anxiety are horrible, nasty things that can really have an effect on every aspect of your life.
Why do you describe yourself as “a mental health survivor?”
I consider myself as a survivor, because I learnt how to cope, and despite the fact I think you can never really be rid of depression completely, I’m the closest I’ve ever been to being so.
Did you find writing the song therapeutic?
Absolutely, not just this song either, whenever I write it’s a really cathartic experience for me.
In your experience, how does coming for a family with a history of mental illness impact how you view your own diagnoses?
That’s an interesting question. I guess one would assume the reason I had mental health issues is because it runs in the family right? Wrong. My problems were born through situation, I’ve always been a balanced, mentally healthy guy until a mixture of career, financial, and emotional problems all combined to do some damage – having said that, maybe the notion of being susceptible to these problems can be hereditary? Who knows.
Why was it important to you to go public with your struggles now?
I just think it’s okay to talk about it now, I used to be embarrassed to talk about it, but we’re perfectly normal people y’know ? I’m not crazy. I just struggle sometimes. And I wanted to get it off my chest.
How has mental illness impacted your relationships?
I’d say the problem with depression is those that love you don’t necessarily know how to cope with it just as much as you. Sometimes that was hard to deal with within my relationships.
What strategies do you use to cope with your depression and anxiety on a daily basis?
To be honest, nowadays I feel so good I don’t need to use any particular strategies, but back when I was at war with it I’d try anything – exercise was good, I also did this very weird thing where I’d imagine all my worry and problems as a ball , I’d close my eyes and if ever I was really really sad I’d imagine the ball flying towards me and then smacking it away with a bat, and I’d literally imagine the ball flying backwards into the sky and exploding. I know. Kinda weird. But it helped.
What steps can we as a society take to lessen the shame and stigma around mental health?
Just talk. It’s all talk.
Read more Music Interviews at ClicheMag.com Samuel Jack Raises Mental Health Awareness in New Single, “In My Head.” Photo Credit: LPR Agency.
Depression has been revealed in more recent years as a much more common affliction that people may have thought in the past. This has been aided by increased numbers of people being willing to come forward and share their feelings as well as the removal of the stigma associated with depression.
Depression can take a hold of your mental and physical actions, but this isn’t the end of the story. You can certainly overcome this and there is positive light at the end of the tunnel.
In this article, we are going to show you a number of the most effective ways to:
Self-love is defined as having a regard for one’s own well-being and happiness. This can be incredibly difficult for you to achieve when you are suffering from depression, but there is a way.
You should focus on being both patient and compassionate; not with others, but with yourself. Think about letting go of those standards of perfectionism and simply remind yourself of all your amazing talents and qualities you have to offer.
Practicing self-love-orientated meditation is particularly comforting and is often very uplifting for lots of people who are dealing with issues surrounding depression.
Getting involved in some form of physical activity has a multi-faceted aid in overcoming the issues surrounding depression. Being depressed can give you feelings of reduced energy, which is something that isn’t overly helpful when you arguably need more of it to make you feel back to normal.
Sarah Cummings of the www.SleepAdvisor.org explains it’s a physiological fact that being active is a positive tool that fights depression. Aim to get your heart rate up for at least 20 minutes per day, five days a week. If you can do this, you’ll reap the benefits of what has been scientifically proven to make you feel better emotionally.
Furthermore, exercising produces a rise in the neuroplasticity of your brain which subsequently releases a happy hormone (endorphins), and will assist in upping your mood. You don’t have to commit yourself to the gym class your friends are going to or a club session, it can be as simple as just getting out of the house for a walk, a game of catch with you’re the family.
Whatever it is you do, remember how you feel shortly after because it’s a medically proven method of refining the way you feel in a good way.
Being able to escape those heavy feelings that are associated with being dressed can really push you on to the next level in terms of getting well again. They may not always last, but if you persevere enough then you’ll find that it will help in the long-run.
It’s not always a case of doing exercise, although that should be done and we’ve covered the science behind why this is beneficial.
So, some of the things you can do to get out of your own head might be to:
Your friends will often message you and say that they are there if you need anything. Of course, most people who aren’t feeling well mentally will disregard these olive branches and draw away from support.
However, don’t disconnect yourself from those who care about you most, and if you need some help with something, no matter how small it is, don’t be scared to ask for help. You’ll find that those who truly care will jump at the chance to help you.
You could even be pining for a good, friendly hug from your friend, so why not drop them a line and ask? This gives you the opportunity to connect with someone and having that sense of connection is quite the source of rejuvenating good feelings!
Think those positive thoughts
Lastly, it’s essential that you hold on to the positive things in life. Being depressed has the ability to narrow the view to these types of feelings, and it can seem like no one understands what you’re dealing with; after all a mental health illness isn’t like a cut or a broken leg that people can visibly see is causing you pain.
At the end of the day, you don’t have a responsibility to know how you will receive those feelings all the time, so you can just let it figure itself out. What’s good sometimes is simply looking forward in the knowledge that things will get better, you are loved and there’s a world of positive possibilities waiting ahead for you.
Read more healthy living articles at Cliché Magazine
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