What to do after a divorce? A divorce can be an enormously painful and stressful process. In fact, it’s often right up there with a bereavement, since a significant person in your life is not going to be around anymore. If there are children involved, then it’s that much more complicated.
Divorce is still a common phenomenon in the UK, with around a third of marriages ending with divorce. With so many people around who’ve been there and done it, it’s worth listening to some of the advice floating around, for the sake of your own state of mind. Let’s look at a few strategies for coping with the emotional aspect of divorce.
Don’t isolate yourself
After a divorce, it can be tempting to push well-meaning friends and family away, and to wallow in isolation. While giving yourself the chance to get used to being on your own is a good thing, you shouldn’t allow your social life to collapse.
Allow yourself to grieve the marriage
It’s natural that you’re not going to feel spectacular for several weeks or months. Give yourself permission to be sad about it, and don’t beat yourself up if your state of mind doesn’t progress as quickly as you’d like.
Seek professional mental support if you need to
If you’re feeling really lousy, then it might be worth talking to a professional about it. They’ll help you to identify any unhelpful thought patterns, like catastrophising, and help you to eliminate them before they have a chance to self-reinforce and dominate your thinking.
Take care of your physical health
It can be tempting to put going to the gym on the backburner, especially if you’re feeling down. But if you allow things to slip, then you’ll have to spend more effort putting things right later. You might find that physical activity provides a kind of escape from thinking about divorce. Identify an activity that you enjoy, and stick to it.
Make sure you’re content with the divorce settlement
If you feel like you’ve gotten a raw deal, then your state of mind is unlikely to improve. While there’s a lot to be said for drawing a line and letting things go, you shouldn’t put up with an unjust arrangement. Many solicitors will proceed on a no-win, no-fee arrangement and help you with your claim if you feel like your divorce solicitor did not handle your divorce settlement correctly.
Try to keep the kids out of it
It can be tempting to use the kids to score emotional points against your former partner. It might even be that you’ve been on the receiving end of this treatment. It’s not good for the kids, so don’t do it.
Focus on new personal goals or projects
If you have a personal project that you’ve always wanted to commit to, then now is a great time to get started. It’ll help you to fill all of that free time you have, and it might give you something other than divorce to think about!